Day 6 – Chemotherapy Patient ‘Etiquette’ Part 2

So here we have more 'good practice' guidelines (mainly do's and dont's) based on what others have said/done/thought etc., to guide everyone through the minefield of the ‘elephant in the room’ of managing a relative, friend, associate or colleague with a critical illness.

Theme 3 - Communications

So many different ways of communicating these days – use them! Whether texts, phone calls, emails, cards or even the old-fashioned letter, most people worry about ‘London taxis in the rain’ syndrome (i.e. feast or famine). The point here is that doing something is always better than doing nothing (for fear of ‘intruding’ or ‘calling at the wrong time’ etc.) For sure, there is a communications ‘hierarchy’ where family and close friends duly ‘take the lead’ perhaps every couple of days or so, ranging to a monthly email from an associate (simply to say ‘Hi’).

Yes, men do send cards to other men! (thanks Derek, Steve J, Lorenzo et al). They also communicate whatever takes their fancy or makes them laugh; bearing in mind the nature of surgery, a particularly thoughtful example below:

On a more sober point, the people who actually need communications the most are the ‘next of kin’; my wife and children. It is they who have faced the biggest shock from left-of-field; however much you try and dress it up, they are the ones who are now living with a critical illness. So very many of you have been so kind to them, and that is the most important thing that you can do.

Theme 4 – Gifts

Another area fraught with potential difficulty. Are you supposed to send flowers / chocolates / books, or what? Well my young Padawans, the answer is everything and nothing. Sorry to sound enigmatic here, but there is no ‘must do’ or ‘don’t do’ here. The point is that it’s the thought that counts – whatever that might be. So you might never get into ‘theme 4’ – which is fine, as you have decided ‘theme 3’.

For those needing further guidance on ‘theme 4’, anything culinary (particularly home-made) hits the spot (if that’s your ‘thing’), but equally if you think a plant or an amusing T-shirt will do the job as well (or better), then fire away.

Or you might want to give the Cancer Research collector £5 the next time you get panhandled, or maybe put that in the Sunday collection instead. It’s really totally up to you.

The prize for the most ambitious ‘gift idea’ I’ve come across is however worthy of mention here, as my friend Howard at a certain motor dealership has suggested that my current car (at 9 years old) could perhaps do with an ‘upgrade’. He has therefore thoughtfully specified a showroom model to my exact specification. Hmm, every cloud has a silver lining; if I’m really not going to make it, then…..

Memo to Quiz Participants: A raft of real rookie errors so far on the ‘odd one out’ quiz. Come on, think diametric. Answer online tomorrow.