Day 20 – Chemotherapy Patient ‘Etiquette’ Part 4

So here we have more 'good practice' guidelines (mainly do's and dont's) based on what others have said/done/thought etc., to guide everyone through the minefield of the ‘elephant in the room’ of managing a relative, friend, associate or colleague with a critical illness.

Theme 7 – Mathematical Probability

Anxious to say something encouraging or upbeat, people say things like ‘never thought you would get it’ and ‘that’s really bad luck’…..but is it? Remember when you were a kid, you wondered ‘what you were here for’? Well, when you got a bit older you figured out it was (basically) for death & taxes, and then spent the rest of your life doing your damnedest to avoid both.

On the death front, Cancer Research UK comes up with an overall risk of developing cancer at more than 1 in 3.

http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-info/cancerstats/incidence/risk/statistics-on-the-risk-of-developing-cancer

The American Cancer Society assesses the overall risk of developing cancer at 1 in 2, and dying from cancer at 1 in 4. Interestingly, girls have a better chance, at 1 in 3 and 1 in 5 respectively:

http://www.cancer.org/cancer/cancerbasics/lifetime-probability-of-developing-or-dying-from-cancer

For sure, there are some interesting regional variations, for example the stats appear to show the Brits have slightly better stats than the Yanks; the Scots are however, in the words of their kinsman Fraser in Dad’s Army, ‘all doomed’.

Overall, the bad news for a man is that half of us will get cancer. The good news however, is that’s a 100% better probability than our chances of avoiding taxes.

Theme 8 – Logistical Support

Having a spouse with cancer turns you into a single-parent family, overnight. No, the usual school/party/pony/tennis club etc trips cannot be rescheduled at the drop of a hat as per usual with only one barrel loaded, and then there’s the multiple hospital trips (for the empty barrel) to factor in. As you can see, the minimum level is Def Con 3 and things usually only get worse from there.

So it’s good to have offers of logistical support for all of the above. For the few of you who have/may have/could still dork out on this; (a) be specific; don’t ‘blanket offer’ things and then be unable to do any of them (b) think lateral; there’s direct, indirect, vicarious, subliminal*, you name it….(c) remember that you’re the 5^th Cavalry, so no-one’s coming to your rescue if you goof up.

* Amaya’s Virgin has this one covered already.