Day 13 – Chemotherapy Patient ‘Etiquette’ Part 3

So here we have more 'good practice' guidelines (mainly do's and dont's) based on what others have said/done/thought etc., to guide everyone through the minefield of the ‘elephant in the room’ of managing a relative, friend, associate or colleague with a critical illness.

Theme 5 - Friendship

Not that I particularly recommend it as a purely qualitative tool, there’s nothing quite like cancer diagnosis & treatment to bring out the best in people. Work colleagues have (without exception) been fantastic, and Tor’s had massive support (yes St. Serena, Lady S and the Duchess of Bibury, I mean you!).

Remember when you were a kid at school? – remember the boys beating the sh*t out of each other in the playground were very often best buddies? Here’s an adult version on the same theme from Derek (bless ‘im) in recognition of my recent surgery, and in homage to an old prep school ditty about a certain dictator who was also reputed to only have one (the other being in the Albert Hall, apparently).

Theme 6 – What to/what not to say

Most of you have just said exactly the right thing at the right time; it’s not hard, really it’s not. Just because it’s cancer doesn’t mean you have to treat it differently to say, a heart condition; both are ‘critical’ illnesses requiring pretty grim surgery and treatment in order to survive. So “How are you feeling?” is perfectly acceptable (NB but not from a telephone sales cold-call as a ‘break the ice’ intro.)

What I don’t particularly recommend is medical condition competitiveness, such as: “I had a really nasty fungal infection on my big toe last year and went to hospital so I know how you’re feeling.”  As you can see, this sort of response needs work.

For the few of you who have/may have/could still dork out on this; (a) cancer is not ‘contagious’ (b) one in three of you will get some form of cancer (c) thank God/Darwin/Dawkins it’s not you, and then think of something pleasant to say.