Day 56 - featuring the Monday Mugshot

Ah well, might as well get it over with then....

dammit!, it keeps doing this.............

There you are then......

Has anyone ever tried getting an Indian tourist visa? I mean, it all looked so easy in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, didn't it? (Granny will be pleased because finally, there is a reference to a film she has actually seen........

Well, for the uninitiated, it takes the best part of a day to gather all the information, and even then you are faced with answering questions in all 'required fields' - so as Ed's dad, I am required to disclose my 'employer' (but can't because I'm self-employed). Go figure. I mean, what has my employment status (in England) got to do with Ed's trip to India? Only an old colonial country could come up with such crassly irrelevant questions, to which there are no answers, and no way of progressing through the form without answering the questions you can't. Tor's doing her head in trying, and it's quite putting her off going to India herself (so it looks like the old folks home in Chippy for us, eventually then.....)

Day 55 - Drinks Special

The most egregious side effect of chemotherapy is on taste.... and I'm not talking about kipper ties, flared jeans or anaglypta here. Your taste buds get nuked, so things taste er, just a little bit different. 

Water tastes like pondwater, tea tastes like hot floodwater (I guess) and other drinks taste  like..... well, it depends on what you're drinking. A nice dry white Burgundy tastes like a whisky sour, whilst a red Bordeaux is just about OK, as is any pudding wine. Bubbles are good, so fizzy drinks are generally OK (but not fizzy water, which needs cordial or something to add flavour). Milk is also good (and I'm told Horlicks is excellent, but haven't given that a go as yet). Coffee is good, but it has to be fresh, hot and not too strong. 

My old mum has been on a mission in Barbados to find a 10-30 year old rum, and returned to Blighty triumphant with a bottle of Mount Gay 1703 (which is a serious little ripper).  I shall look forward to a shot of this (unadulterated with anything other than sunshine) and report back on taste. The fact that I'm even considering trying spirits is a reflection of feeling a lot better this weekend. The week after chemo really is the pits, so for cycle 4 I'm seriously considering hitting the Zopiclone and just sleeping through... we'll see.

Anyway, I'm off to save Ed's hide, because he has forgotten something pivotal today, and will need rescuing/a lecture on remembering next year………..

Day 54

So it's the end of term, and the children are home, which is nice…….. most of the time

To be fair, both are getting stuck into A/S revision, but there's a price to pay, oh yes there is…

Don't know what it is about teenage (boys in particular), but they seem able to hoover up food in epic quantities. Ed had better get into vegetable curries as a 'snack', otherwise Northern India is going to be one hell of a shock for him this summer……

Anyway, the sun's out, and the lawn needs a cut. At least I feel up to it after quite a bad week of feeling 'off'. More queasy than sick, more fed up than tired. I guess the week after 4th cycle is going to be a total write-off, then…...

Day 53

Hmm, another day……… another Groundhog Day (what, you never saw the film??)

So each day becomes like the next, because you know what's going to happen. You have the same headache, the same tinnitus, the same tiredness, the same addled brain, the same taste problems, and the same everything else that you'd rather not have…. but have no choice about, because it's all part of 'the cure' (if it works).

Tor knows I'm not doing this again. OK, I'll do the 4th cycle, but that's it. If the cancer hasn't gone (or comes back), whatever else I'll do won't include chemotherapy. No more carpet bombing. No more chemo pump. No more Groundhog Day.

Day 52 - B52?

As with most things, a name or word can have multiple meanings. A B52 is therefore either a cocktail, new wave band, or heavy strategic bomber, depending on your perspective.

Well, this is the one I'm talking about. What's this got to do with chemotherapy you might ask? Well, the answer is surprisingly simple - they both do the same thing; carpet bombing. Don't know what that is? - check out this video clip (yee-hah!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vun7yg3nrs4

What you see happen in the video is what's going on inside me right now. You see, the CT and MRI scans couldn't find any metastasis, but the HCG/LDH levels were ramping up and about to go exponential. As we're talking mixed Germ Cell (i.e. the whole baddy bunch, including carcinoma), that's why Axel went for the 'Bomber Harris' option; can't find an individual target, so just carpet bomb everything.

But carpet bombing comes at a terrible price. Picasso thought the same thing in 1937 when he painted 'Guernica'. The man was however a genius, because he also saw what a chemotherapy patient self-portrait would look like…...

Day 51... Area 51?

Everyone knows the US Government covered up an alien spaceship crash at Roswell in 1947, and everything's been dissected ever since at Area 51 in Nevada. You didn't? Er, what, you didn't even see Independence Day? You can't just get an SR-71 to float upside down (see below) without something else weird going on.....

Oh never mind, it was all in the Telegraph (again) last year, so it must be true.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/ufo/10247016/Area-51-exists-and-there-were-strange-goings-on-admit-CIA.html

Anyway, the point of all this is that Area 51 is some sort of Twilight Zone, right? Well so it is with Day 51 of chemotherapy. Things you took as a given suddenly stand up and walk out the door. Like water for instance; you know, it comes out of bottles, taps, and is instantly hydrating and refreshing. Unless of course you're on chemotherapy. Water tastes foul - tea is even worse. 

This is because the chemotherapy destroys all new cell growth, in an effort to wop the bad guys; but the price is of course, what the US military refers to as 'collateral damage' (i.e. you have to suffer unacceptable losses to 'win' (didn't know that? - check out the balance sheet of Afghanistan for clarification). 

http://www.globalresearch.ca/us-wars-in-afghanistan-iraq-to-cost-6-trillion/5350789

So, your hearing gets smacked, your hair falls out, your digestion gets torpedoed, your brain gets addled, etc., etc.... and your taste buds are vaporised. The water thing is weird, though.

This......................................

Tastes like.......................

Great.....................

Day 50 (featuring the late Monday Mugshot)

Well, so here's what I look like now.....

Oh sorry, wrong button......

Trying a full day's work today, so let's see how I get on with it. Have been exceptionally tired on 3rd cycle, so I guess it will be sink or swim day.

Update to follow later today………..

So, that's after a day's work.

How did it go? Well, it was very tiring. Biggest problem was deciding which anti-sickness pills to take or not (er, not the ones that say 'do not drive'). Probably will have to spend all day tomorrow in bed, but I'll get back to you on that.

Big hello to Ruth & Julian at Little Boho - best paninis & coffee in town.....

Day 49 - Life Beyond Death? (so no Monday Mugshot)

As we know, the cancer = death equation went out the window some time ago, but it's always sensible to have a back-up plan, I suppose. Some say that 'God', 'Religion' (whatever) is the best/only (whatever) option………. but is it?

This surprise effort just landed in my inbox - see what you think!

Opportunity Of The Day

Life Beyond Death

Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, it seems that technology is reaching the stage where people can live after death – in a fashion.

I just read about an initiative  from the MIT Entrepreneurship Programme which collects web chats, blogs, emails and text messages from a deceased person, and then uses complex algorithms and artificial intelligence to create a ‘chatbot’ that represents the persons online persona. It’s then possible to interact and communicate with this online presence. The idea is to unlock the memories hidden in their online presence, according to the researchers behind the project.

In the years to come, the amount of social media and other online data left behind by individuals is just going to grow and grow. The MIT project gives a glimpse into what’s possible now.  The possibilities for the future are both exciting and terrifying in equal measure.

Hmm, as with most things, I guess it's what you want to see, and how you interpret the 'mission statement'. Tor's effort below?

Day 48 - Hospital Food Special

So, as you're all thinking about/starting to cook/settling down to Sunday lunch, time to give some thought to what hospital food's like these days...... here are some examples.......

The good news is that there are some consumer-driven changes in hospitals these days, offering a bit more choice, like........

So there you have it - you pays your money (or not) and takes your choice. Bon appetit.

Day 47

Ma South African old china Greg (the lekker sangoma, who looks after the lighteys) starts his chemo on Monday. Who would have thought that like me, Greg's nemesis would be bloody cancer? No, Greg should have taken the drop on the man in the grey suit on re-entry with his rhino-chaser, but swak bru, life is pap. Keep well and we'll do some bunny chow when we're both closed out?

Two days after third cycle and I'm feeling dog tired. This is where it hits hardest; Axel said he needed 4 cycles - one to stop it, one to corner it, and one to kill it - the fourth is 'belt & braces'. Ah well, hopefully I'll feel better after the weekend…. unless winter finally arrives as has been promised?

Monday morning?

So, back to bed and take solace that I'm in the cancer killing 3rd phase. Only belt & braces to go now.

Die, you little bastards

Day 46

Feel like sh*t today... and dog tired, big time. Either it’s the compounding effects of the third cycle (you know, Axel’s attempts to damn near kill me without actually doing so) or the down-the-hall zombie crowd sneaked into my room last night for a bit of a midnight feast (theory supported by suspicious bloodstain on shower curtain…. which wasn’t there yesterday….)

Whilst on the subject of shower curtains, have to report that the Suite 3 ensuite is not all it’s cracked up to be. The problem is the shower doesn’t work (and neither does next door’s) because, er, the water has been turned off at the mains.

Looks the part but it don't work!

Why you might ask? Well, it appears that these showers were all signed off (at great expense) by an NHS manager who knew sod all about plumbing. Just as the official opening tape was cut, the inaugural showers were found (shan’t say exactly how) to be directly connected into the adjoining WC’s, south of the U-bend. Due to layouts and floor thicknesses, the problem cannot be rectified. The whole lot will have to be ripped out, apparently.

Er, this is this your fault mate, innit?

The manager responsible was quickly removed, and promoted to Chief Exec of a neighboring NHS Trust (obviously). Couldn’t make it up, could you? Emigration, anyone?

In the meantime, it's over to today's Charles' Angels.........all 3 of 'em

Amy Adams

Lucy Liu

Sofia Loren (no, honest...)

Day 45

The zombies are back! (sorry Granny). And it’s not just in The Last Days on Mars, either.

Whilst it’s something of a shock to learn that zombies are alive and well on Mars (er, you’ll have to see the film… not you, Granny), Ward 61 has another resident crop, apparently.

How do I know this? Well, the 4-bedder down the hall seems to be inhabited by the undead; they all pretty much look like zombies, on top of which they all moan and groan and shuffle about aimlessly, in that classic reanimated manner.

But don’t take my word for it; the internationally respected Center for Disease Control in Atlanta has gone public with the zombie threat:

http://www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies.htm

So, we are all advised to ‘get a kit and make a plan’; better get Tor on it then. But it doesn’t stop there, oh no it doesn’t. There’s even an official zombie ‘Defcon’ alert infrastructure, and supporting NGO’s, oh yes there are:

http://zombie-emergency.com/

Hmm, regular readers will recall Brad Pitt’s work in this field (World War Z) and consequent invulnerability of critically/terminally ill people such as yours truly…. and there was me thinking that all those nurses were in my room last night just for the witty banter….

….. on the subject of which, today’s Charles’ Angel is Zooey Deschanel

Day 44

The Beeb reports that a 3,200-year old Egyptian skeleton has been found with cancer, trumpeting the headline ‘Cancer existed 3,000 years ago’, throwing doubt on Tor’s crusade against the evils of the modern age (er, processed foods and red meat, in the main).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-26624474

Already there’s a problem, as Tor suspects this will be used as an evidence base to evade/avoid or otherwise debunk her enhanced Food Police programme, upon release from hospital. Hmm, in the interests of marital harmony, better give her side of the story;

http://www.naturalnews.com/039970_cancer_junk_food_carcinogens.html

So, there’s both sides of the argument, then. Not that I will ‘win’ with the former; only by selecting the ‘winning’ argument will the ‘right’ answer be obtained (that’s what 25 years of marriage does to you!)

'unhealthy' food

'healthy' food

In any event, too tired to argue the toss right now. Yesterday’s 2pm-11pm chemo schedule was tough, and despite knowing what was coming, can’t say it was pleasant (on top of the usual hourly pint of pee to dispense). Felt dog tired throughout (but still couldn’t manage more than 3 hours sleep afterwards – at least a further couple came about before breakfast.)

As Destiny's Child are proving hard to nail down as a threesome, only managed to bag Michelle Williams as today's Charles' Angel. APB out for Kelly Rowland, but rumours are she's in the Caribbean?

Day 43

10am phone call to Ward 61 and we’re out of luck, as no beds are currently available. Wait an hour and call back – luckily phone answered by Cyndi Lauper (see Day 24) who as a previously featured Charles’ Angel was able to  confirm immediate availability of Suite 3, a private room featuring ensuite, TV and all mod cons: thank you, Angels!

Assisting Cyndi today is Caroline Munro:

A quick scout around the hospital reveals that the gurney (see Day 23) has gone!

No suggestion as to when, or why (or indeed with whom), but there is what appears to be a nasty tear on the lino that wasn’t there previously, so potential answers could be:

(a)  The Grim Reaper did it (in the course of reaping)

(b)  There wasn’t a reaping issue (but the GR still did it)

(c)  Someone else did it (linked to gurney disappearance)

(d)  A totally unrelated event was responsible

(e)  It’s not a tear, but a rubber wheel powerslide mark

So that’s this week’s quiz – same rules as before, email/text your explanation as to who/what caused the tear/mark, and why.

Memo to Derek: Thanks for the text. What’s a blue-eyed coconut got to do with it??

Day 42 (featuring the Monday Mugshot)

So here we are, the day before admission for the third cycle. Not really looking forward to it, but six of the best and all that; best to bite lip and get on with it. As viewers will have been eagerly anticipating the Monday Mugshot, here it is:

Some commentators have remarked on the alarming similarity to Bruce Willis; can't quite see it myself (Bruce's hair is different), but see what you think:

Bruce Willis

By popular vote the Crimea is to be re-absorbed by Russia, it seems. No prizes for how the Scots are going to vote, then (do pay attention Granny, this predicates that Scotland will be re-absorbed by Alex Salmond). They're welcome to him. And the Euro.

More cancer news in from the Daily Mail. Who writes this garbage? Even worse, who reads it? (er, Granny......)  

Tomorrow's post will be much later than usual, as the hospital has to be called at 10am to see if a bed is available. Then there's the drive in, plus the Charles' Angels photo shoot to organise. Wonder who will make tomorrow's front cover.......