A year in......

Well, I'm still here....

Scans and blood tests all negative.... now just coming up to anniversary of initial surgery last year, and everything appears to be 'on target'. Shame about the tinnitus and 'chemo brain' - still, you can't have it all, I suppose.

Annual review to take place in early January - that's the one where the negative scan and blood readings really matter, so fingers crossed, eh?

A thought for you all:

None of us knows how much time we have left. 

Really, it's that simple.

All best for 2015 to you all,

Charles

August 2014 Update

Well, 3 months after the end of the 4th cycle, this is how I'm looking....

OK, so the hair is back (which is good) but the 'chemo brain' and tinnitus haven't gone away (which is bad). Oncology view is that both will take some time - probably a year (which is bad). Still, the 3 month scan last week was clear (which is good).

The Penny Brohn 'Living Well' course was..... interesting. Sure I can see it does the bits the NHS doesn't, but I'm not really the one who needed much help on the diet & exercise front (being married to a full Colonel in the Food Police......)

Still, it's good work that they do there so check it out for yourselves:

http://www.pennybrohncancercare.org/

Yes, well we all know (or should know) that Beer Burger 'n Fags are NOT your BBF when you've been through what I have, but c'mon, its August... the odd BBQ 'ain't gonna hurt... really it's not...

So, the next waypoint is the 6-month scan in the Autumn - I'll keep you posted. In the meantime....

Update 10.6.14

OK, so the 'CBT' session wasn't really CBT - just an holistic update on how everything was going. So you get a form with a tickbox exercise to then discuss. People are different; some have difficulties that others don't. Some people have real difficulty with appearance, weight, emotion, sex, whatever. Everyone has the 'brush-with-death' and 'living on borrowed time' aspects that affect them, to a greater or lesser degree. I just want my brain back 100% and the bloody tinnitus to stop. Oh yes, I need to keep away from the damn beehive when mowing, as one of the little b*stards managed to sting me somewhere nasty......

...... but the good news is that was last week, so this is how I look now:

Eagle eyed readers will see that the hair is nowv making a determined comeback. The colour has been variously described as everything from 'ash' to 'salt 'n pepper'. Well, at least it isn't ginger and curly....... and at least I'm still here, and able to take Tor out tonight for our silver wedding anniversary (without looking like either a hitman or a victim).

So what's the pivotal quarter-century thought? - well, I'll tell you: no-one knows how much time they've got left, no-one at all. So just enjoy what you have, and don't put off doing anything that you really want to do, because two other things are also for sure; shrouds don't have pockets, and you're a long time dead.....

Lucky escape for me this time perhaps? ...... who knows. Nice to win a hand against the Grim Reaper, but never forget he's carrying all the aces...........

Weekly Update 26.5.14

So here's Uncle James joining in the 'get fit' drive, but for different reasons - he's stopped smoking (real ones, anyway) and it's starting to show a bit, around the middle......

Here's an over-the-shoulder selfie on the same run). Note (a) the increased 'ducky fuzz' (resulting in a sort of white Nick Fury look, I suppose) and (b) yes! - Uncle James is puffing hard, in second place!

Anyway, as you can see, progress is being made. There's the CBT (oh yes it is, Sue!) to look forward to at the end of next week, so an update will be provided then (unless detention under S.2/3 Mental Health Act is effected). Then there's the residential course in July to look forward to. In the meantime there's a son to pack off to India, and a daughter to the US. Thrown in an attempt to get a silver wedding trip in (and another house move) and all I can say is that it's been one hell of a year thus far..........

Weekly Update 19.5.14

So you can all see the effort being put into trying to get fit again, I'm introducing a new get-fit sport suitable for chemotherapy patients. As some Doubting Thomases are bound to question the the authenticity of the claim, I'm attaching 'before' and 'after' photos as proof (and no, I have enough IT issues attaching photos, never mind photoshopping them as well). 

As you can see, the sport is 'miniature wire-haired dachshund cross-country time trials'. Bit of a mouthful I know, so it's being abbreviated to 'Dachshund TT'. So you pick a 5-acre circuit and trot around it, with the hounds in hot pursuit. Eagle eyed viewers will already have noticed that the deck is well and truly stacked in the recovering patient's favour, not least as the competition's legs (and pretty much everything else) are 10 times smaller... and that's before nasal distractions (pheasants, rabbits, foxes etc) throw the competition off the scent, as it were....

Man wins!

So although I'm starting out in fairly poor shape, victory is pretty much assured, thus building self esteem for 'keeping at it'. Target is to lose half a stone by the end of the summer, and be able to jog several miles without breaking a sweat..... on top of which the Food Police have cracked down on all sorts of stuff I never thought had any calories in (wine, crisps, chocolate)

I'll keep you posted.....

Weekly Update 12.5.14

So, you have to look quite carefully (and ensure a strong backlight) but it's quite definitely there.... hair, I mean - it's coming back!

The camera don't lie....

Early days I know, but hair is hair - not ginge either, so all in all, a positive result for a month after chemo. As you might imagine, there's a fair amount of witty banter from the home team on what sort of hair......

Hmm, but remember, it could be worse.... I mean, an awful lot worse - that's why you've got to be so careful with the whole hair thing....

Weekly Update 5.5.14

So, at Friday's consultation with JB, he reported a clear CT scan, and seemed pleased with how the chemotherapy treatment had gone. Good. I'm now interested in getting my brain and hair and fitness back.... watch this space.....

The bad news is that I've got to have some CBT in about a month's time (oh yes it is Sue!) from the specialist Germ Cell Nurse, to make sure I'm not suicidal, suffering low self esteem/substance abuse etc. Can't see we'll have too much to chat about, so I've threatened to bring the Monopoly board (and cheat) to pass the time.

Then there's the 2-day residential course in July..... hmm, the jury's out on whether to (a) bunk off (b) get expelled (c) don't pitch up. One of the straplines reads "this course provides you with a tool kit of tried and tested techniques that can help you support your physical, emotional and spiritual health". Oh dear, do they not know Tor is already a full colonel in the Food Police?, not to mention Liv's idea fitness being against the Human Rights Act?

Item 2 doesn't excite either, I'm afraid - I mean, emo issues have never been big on my worry list  (although I remain a big fan of Rod Hull and Emu - but that's not quite the same thing.....)

As for the third item, unless it features Monty Python re-runs of The Spanish Inquisition, I'm not going to like it, for sure. Anyway, Amaya's Virgin has all that covered, just in case I've got the whole Heaven/Hell thing totally wrong.

A couple of stories in today's papers: 

This is terribly sad, and underlines what a killer disease cancer can be. 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/tennis/27280549

... and as for this one, the trolls (just check their IP addresses) need to be rounded up and given serious community service orders - I mean, did they honestly divvy up a few quid only on the basis that Stephen was going to die imminently? Shocking.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-stoke-staffordshire-27283227

Day 84 (featuring the Monday Mugshots)

So, we've reached the end of cycle 4 and the formal end of chemotherapy treatment. But as one journey ends, so another begins - this time it's the fight back to fitness (physical and mental) and all those unwanted side effects, from tinnitus to the way people treat you. With that in mind, the Monday Mugshots (all taken within 5 minutes of each other) give an interesting psychosocial take on how you all (in the widest possible sense) have treated someone who looks like me.....

Hard Man

Victim

Dude

Oh, he'll look OK when his hair grows back......

Take your pick! For what it's worth, I don't recognise or identify with any of them. Residual self-image is still stuck in end-of-last year mode. Maybe it will change as the hair comes back? (.... just hope it's not ginger or curly... or both!)

Weekly reviews for a month or so from here on in. Thanks for reading - hope you have laughed or learned something.... preferably both.

Day 83

Penultimate daily post !

....well, nearly end of the chemotherapy road, anyway. As I've said before, I ain't doing this again. CT scan today, and guess what?

.... quite. Technician even more untalkative than usual, which means either it was a boring scan ('cos there was nothing in it) or I'm a goner, and what with it being a Sunday etc., he didn't want to be the one to break it to me. Guess we'll have to wait until after my oncology meeting on Friday, then (yes you'll get a weekly update for a bit.... if not posted, then you might hazard a guess at the prognosis....

Day 82

Slight technical hitch posting today, as the Blogger interface wouldn't let me into my own blog (courtesy of having several Google GMail accounts and trialling one on a Kindle Fire HDX). Anyway, I'm no techie - confirmed by the fact it took an hour of pratting about with password retrieval issues to get back into my own stuff - duh!

Hmm, maybe chemo brain kicks in after a couple of days trying to work..... or maybe the problem is internal hardware?........

Anyway, silicon interface apart, there's not much to report today, other than a bit more tiredness. There's a CT scan to look forward to tomorrow (I know it's a Sunday, but these things now run 24/7) so IT issues permitting, tomorrow's post will either confirm my imminent death, or that the Grim Reaper is really the Fonz.......

Day 81

So another late post, due to the usual Friday problems today with the M5/6……………….

It's ridiculous, innit? I mean, why is the BMW lane the slowest, with lanes 1 and 2 moving (just) and all the BMW's stationery in the fast lane?… er, OK, maybe I CAN guess why…….

Yes!, just  imagine a line of BMW-driving muppets (in the rain) and well, between the stamping on the accelerator (swiftly followed by the brakes), maybe we have our answer….

So how did it go today? - well yes, I am a bit tired, but the meetings went well, and that's perhaps down to autopilot…. maybe the old dog just knows what works, irrespective of an IQ of 147 or 115……..

Day 80

Another late post today, as I've been off on some work meetings this morning (which went well). Not feeling quite so tired - but the residual chemo stuff is going to take time to shift, I guess.

In case you hadn't seen it, this guy has put in one hell of a cancer charity result - wow! - hats off to him.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-stoke-staffordshire-27138100

Also working again tomorrow, so it will be interesting to see if the tiredness 'catches up'…. watch this space.

Day 79

Bit late posting today as the back-to-school bunfight got in the way…… kind of. Anyway, there was a potential issue as the Yummy Mummy 4x4 had been sold, and with no replacement in sight, questions were being asked as to how Ed was going to get his trunk and associated clobber back for the summer term……..

But fear not! Brian has duly stepped up to the plate, and shown that he was more than man enough for the job. This has caused some consternation and concern from you-know-who, because if Brian can do it, then you don't need Pythonesque logic to dictate that there may be no need for the Yummy Mummy 4x4 replacement after all…..

Hmm, it seems that I might have a pivotal health decision to make here….. either continued recovery and lots of home-cooked, TLC etc., or something all together less appealing……

Day 78

Under a week to go now to day 84 and completion of cycle 4. The 4-hour sleeping pattern remains, as does the bizarre taste and awful tinnitus. On the plus side, giving up on all medicines has produced no worse 'sickness' - just the background nausea, plus the omnipresent 'fog' headache. The latter does not however preclude spotting the Torygraph's attempt to become the new Wail, what with another NHS scare story (clearly less important than the footy story, though, which gets the front page piccy).

Mind you, our Nige has beaten the Wail to it when it comes to xenophobic headlines…….. but maybe he has a point? 

Ah well, let's see what happens in a month's time………..… on quite a few fronts, then.

Day 77 (featuring the Monday Mugshot)

OK, let's get it over with, then……….

So is the cup half full, or half empty? I guess it depends on your viewpoint. Like today's Express and Mail, who both headline the same story…….. but in completely opposite ways. 

Of course this comprehensively illustrates why the Mail is such a poisonous rag. It turns normal people into cognitively challenged lower-middle class homophobic white monarchist xenophobes. I mean, just look at the pink banner story in the Mail - really? Despite my current chemotherapy-induced loss of 30-odd IQ points, I can tell you that the premise outlined is complete tosh. I do wish both Grannies would desist from taking any further 'advice' from this foul toe-rag. The evolutionary consequences are dire….. you have both been warned!

Day 76

Happy Easter everyone……… unless you're unlucky enough to have a Wonga loan, sponsored by the Church of England…..

More religious hypocrisy from people who should know better. More "do as I say, not as I do", but did anyone honestly expect more? Not me, for sure. All those religious offers of a 'cure' for cancer have to be viewed in this light.

Mind, you, the Torygraph doesn't just throw a punch at the C of E (bottom right) as Islam comes in for a bashing too (top left). All this on Easter Sunday too………. ho, hum…….

Day 75

OK, so everyone says testicular cancer is very treatable and there's a 90%+ success rate etc., but what if you're in the other 10%………

Problem is, no-one can tell you whether you're in the 90% or 10% category - until it's obvious. All goes to show that none of us know how much time we've got left……

…….these things always come from left of field, as in George's case - he's not overweight, looks healthy etc., but we're both hit from the blue with different cancers - he could still get mine, I could still get his……..

…… when there are much more likely candidates waddling around…………

Day 74

So it's not just The Wail having a go at the NHS today:

For sure, Gerrandpa is worried about the Walsgrave as he has a procedure there in June….. ………...but hang on, all this was in 2002 and we're in, er, 2014 now………...

Hmm, maybe the broadsheets (who should know better) think they can pull off a double whammy with an NHS + foreigner scare story? Come on Farage, why aren't you on this particular bandwagon (oh, it's Good Friday…… planning a trip to the pub, obviously). 

So, Uncle James has popped down from Cheshire, and will be needed to help Gerranny and Gerrandpa deal with the hazards of subscribing to medical knowledge solely from The Wail. As for me, I'm feeling much of a muchness (i.e. same as past few days) but enjoying the sunshine and someone else mowing the lawn……….

Memo the Gerrandpa: Told you The Wail was a poisonous rag ………….why not try this instead: http://www.nhs.uk/news/Pages/NewsArticles.aspx