Weekly Review 31.1.14

Second CT scan within 6 weeks (no result yet). The 'contrast' injection reminiscent of B52 shots from my student days (can still 'taste' it in the lungs a few days later!) The scanner action reminiscent of the Joe 90 intro - still, a lot better than the MRI, which is like a guest appearance on Das Boot:U-96 with Vangelis on acid providing the soundtrack.

Dust blown off the insurance folder - stuff that's been in there since marriage (25 years in June) and added to (arrival of children) together with 'sensible' subsequent additions advised by various bank managers, IFA's etc. Unbelievably, this all comes to over £500pcm; therefore expect some silver lining to the overall bad news. Yes, everything seems to be there; critical illness, terminal illness, death, disability, whole-of-life, family income replacement, etc., etc.

Phone a few insurers to discuss policies becoming claims. Passed from a number of pleasant young ladies "Hiya!, how are you feeling today?"….. er, I have cancer, so not great actually…. to the claims handlers (not so young or pleasant; at least one of them appears to be Rosa Kleb: others previously employed by SMERSH, clearly).

Bizarre cross between Little Britain and The Twilight Zone ensues. Outcome of entire exercise is: yeah, but no, computer says no, er for sure, we mean 'critical' in a 'terminal' sense, and 'terminal' in a 'passed away' sense. Brief glimmer of hope (based on over £50,000 per decade in premiums over a quarter century) as advice received that if GP provides affidavit of 'imminent' death, then some policies will pay out on an 'impaired life' basis. In order to re-establish sanity, watch The Meaning of Life to check out what has obviously been missed here.

Memo to self: if not looking/feeling really crook at next GP review, remember to ham it up a bit.

Memo to family: Uncle Walter was right! - why bother with insurance anyway??

Memo to everyone else: check your 'life' policies; get the Tippex out and substitute 'critical' with 'terminal' and 'life' with 'death'; you will understand them better that way.